Fw: Fwd: Fw: Help Ban Fox Hunting!!

 

If you agree with this please send to the powers that be. Hope we can stop it. Please help ban fox hunting in Great Britain ~ THIS MADNESS MUST STOP!!          Signed, Peter Cottontail Bugs Bunny The Easter Bunny Thumper                                                                                   No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.851 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3135 - Release Date: 09/15/10 04:34:00 No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.445 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3178 - Release Date: 10/05/10 06:34:00

Fw: UPDATE YOUR GARAGE DOOR......

 

 

 

Are you fed up with looking daily at your boring garage door?  Just stick a new decal on your door!  You should see the looks on the faces of your neighbours ....! á  Make an impression on your neighbors ! The German company " Style your Garage " makes posters for your garage door. Prices vary from $199 to $399 for a double door! Everything included!                                          áá á áá ááá áá And finally...á áááá

 

 

 

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Fw: Hot tubs and pushy neighbours

 

Hot tubs and pushy neighbours I put a hot tub in our back garden last summer and from that point on, the neighbours think they have an open invitation to use it whenever they please. The other night we were trying to enjoy our dinner and all the neighbours were in the hot tub making noise, calling us to come and join them. Like they were inviting us to join them in our own hot tub!   Last night I wanted to go to bed early, and they had our garden light on and were holding a party. 'Come on in!' they called to me. I just wanted to get some sleep. My wife wants me to say something to them but I said, 'No.' I do not want to offend them.                     We will just have to learn to tolerate their rude behaviour.                                                     Annoying sods                   Geoff Moules Moules Consultancy Services 30 Pemberton Road , Admaston, Telford TF5 0BL Tel 01952 252816 Mob 07971 913598 e-mail gmquality@aol.com Web Site www.moulesconsultancyservices.co.uk Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail

Fw: Fwd: Just Like that!

 

I was in bed with my new girlfriend last night and she said   "You've got the biggest willy I've ever laid hands on"   I said    "You're pulling my leg"    Ha Ha Ha!

 

Fw: The Zippered Skirt!

 

 

A smile for your day :) As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'     The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.

 

 

Fw: Fwd: Adult learning for women

 

 

 

New Classes for Women

at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Friday October 15th 2010

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Tesco Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Handbag and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Golf Clubs--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined  
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.  
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors..

You mean someone might pass???????

HOWARD

 

Fw: so mystical and authentic...

 

 

This is mythical and deep. Truly beautiful...     A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.  He replied, "She is called Five Horses".     The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife. What does it mean?"   The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean...     NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!

Fw: Fwd: How IT can get you into trouble

 

 

It all began with an iPhone.  March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone.   He just loved it.  Who wouldn't? I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad. My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.  September came by so for her birthday I got my wife an iRon.  It was around then that the fight started ... What the wife failed to recognise is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.  This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service!

 

 

Scanned by MailDefender - managed email security from intY - www.maildefender.net

  

Jennifer White

HR Advisor

Sentinel Housing Association

 

Telephone:   01256 312870

E-mail:           Jennifer.White@sentinelha.org.uk

 

 Think Before You Print

---

 

  

Leanne Henstock

Rent Controller

Sentinel Housing Association

 

Telephone:   01256 338800

E-mail:           Leanne.Henstock@sentinelha.org.uk

 

 Think Before You Print

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Sentinel Housing Association Limited. Registered Office: 56 Kingsclere Road, Basingstoke, Hampshire, RG21 6XG.

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Industrial and Provident Societies Act 1965.
Registered No. 27940R.

Web:

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----End of Notice----

Disclaimer - This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to which they are addressed. Any views or opinions expressed are those of the author and do not represent the views of Basingstoke and North Hampshire NHS Foundation Trust unless otherwise explicitly stated. The information contained in this e-mail may be subject to public disclosure under the Freedom of Information Act 2000. Unless the information is legally exempt from disclosure, the confidentiality of this e-mail and your reply cannot be guaranteed.

Fw: Irish Joke -

Two Paddies were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other  filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in                                  to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.' 

Fancy a relaxing cruise?

 

Fw: An elderly man is stopped by police.....

 

 

 

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man relies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body". The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "My wife."

 

 

 

Fw: Fwd: Bloody Germans

 

The Miracle Of Toilet Paper

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my Husband that my breasts are too small.. Instead of characteristically Telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet Paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.' Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in Front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will This take?' I asked. They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies. I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between My breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your 'bum', didn't it?" He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw. Stupid, stupid man.

F-35 loop at Takeoff - READ FIRST.

READ FIRST.

Hard to believe!?

Read Below First

UNINTENDED LOOP AT TAKEOFF
A supremely well-trained US Navy pilot, ice running in his veins instead of blood, fully regains control of his $70 million, F-35 joint strike force fighter, after a problematic vertical take-off attempt. Watch as the rear vertical thruster fires to cause the problem.

There's nothing about this the pilot enjoys. If he could have ejected at 100' upside down and lived, he would have. Looks like the afterburner kicks in while still vectored for vertical takeoff. Lockheed would call this a "software malfunction" and do a little more "regressive testing". This is a good demonstration of power-to-weight ratio of this aircraft! And talk about stability control ... If he didn't come out of the loop wings-level, it probably would have been bad news; maybe taking some of the carrier with him!

Add to this flying through your own exhaust, which can lead to equipment malfunctions, too … as in "flame out".

The F-35 is single engine aircraft with vertical takeoff/landing capability, but it has the aerodynamics of a Steinway piano at zero airspeed.
This is the most unbelievable piece of flying you will ever see in your life.

This is soooooooooo funny

Best Blonde joke of the year!

POSSIBLY THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR... A blonde went into a worldwide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost £50.00 she exclaimed: "I don't have any money, but I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother." The man arched an eyebrow [as we would expect] "Anything?" he asked. "Yes, yes, anything", the blonde promised. "Well, then, just follow me", said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. " Come in and close the door", the man said. She did. He then said ,"Now, please get on your knees." She did. "Now take down my zip." She did. "Now go ahead ... take it out", he said. She reached in and grabbed it with both hands,then paused.. The man closed his eyes and whispered .. "Well ?.... go ahead." The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said ....

"Hello. Mum, can you hear  me?"