Wednesday 14 September 2011

Fw: Very Foolish Man Jokes

 
 

 
 
- VERY  BRAVE MAN JOKES --- 

How do you turn a fox into an elephant? 
Marry It! 

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
 
A battery has a positive side.  

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
 
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.. 
 
   

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? 
Nothing, she's been told twice already. 

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
 done wrong? 
Made her chain too long 
 
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
 
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing  machine will probably never be able to support you.  
 

Why do women have smaller feet than men? 
It's one of  those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.


If your dog  is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at  the front door, who do you let  in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. 

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
 98%.. 
It's called a Wedding Cake. 

Why do men die before their wives?
 
They want to.  

Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who don't own a gun.
  
 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 



Friday 2 September 2011

Fw: TGIF

 

Think what they could have done with 24 hours!!!  Mind you – I reckon 6 pints would be quicker (and cheaper ;-)


--- 

Subject: There are no ugly women - - just fixer uppers !

 

There are no ugly women - - just fixer uppers !


Look carefully, they're in the same order. Their makeover picture is below their regular picture.
It's just amazing what money can do.......
This photo below was taken at a competition in June 2008 involving 9 women for best makeover.
They had every possible beauty treatment available to them over a period of 12 hours before the contest.
Look at the before and after photos.

The woman 2nd from the left won the contest.


.

 

Fw: UP IN YORKSHIRE

 
 
 
 
 
 


 
 

Subject: UP IN YORKSHIRE
 
 



  
A rugby league fan is drinking in a Yorkshire bar, when
he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning
from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for
everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given
birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds. 

    
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25
pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, 'That's
about average in Yorkshire... like I said, my boy's a
typical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player.' 

Congratulations showered him from all around, amid
many exclamations of 'WOW!' One woman actually
fainted due to sympathy pains. 

  
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender
says, 'Say, aren't you the father of that typical Yorkshire
baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth?
Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in
two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?'
  

  
The proud father answers, 'Twenty pounds.'
The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little
suspicious. 'What happened? He already weighed 25
pounds the day he was born!' 

  
The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Samuel Smith's Bitter Beer,
wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender
and proudly says,
 
 
 
 
 
'Had him circumcised...'
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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