The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum
cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a
Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume
she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the
foot of my bed. At first I was afraid...then I was petrified.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When
I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time...
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I
thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our
local pet shop and they were £70!!! blow this, I thought, I can get one
cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was there with their
new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a
bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could
check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in
move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver
was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to
myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'
On holiday recently in
Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our
country?'
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